woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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