Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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