Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
