he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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