Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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