Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
