Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
