I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
