The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
