just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
