I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
