why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
