As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
