hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
