im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
