i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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