Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
