I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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