So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
