Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
