Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
