It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
