You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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