We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
