I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
