i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
