4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
