I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize