and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
