So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
