Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
