Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
