I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
