fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
