i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
