i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
