This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
