I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
