is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize