I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
