I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
