I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
