you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
