On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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