There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You're like the curious george of whores
I stole a fireplace last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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