i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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