Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
