the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
