yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
