Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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