May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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