I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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