For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
