The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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