there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
