If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
