It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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