You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
