Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize