They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
