I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
